You're being a huge baby

Dear Wife,

You are in touch with your emotions. You are compassionate. You have a deep understanding of the human spirit. But holy shit woman, you cry all of the time.

We watch television, you cry. We attend little league games, you cry. You come home from work you cry. It makes me want to cry, but I think I would throw up if I see one more tear.

Now maybe we can just set some sort of tear-minimum threshold. Say, you can cry at little league games if it is the championship or there is an injury. But not, for example, because you saw our son drop his sunflower seeds in the dirt. Crying is ok during sad or romantic movies, but not, for example, during an Adam Sandler movie.

Further, when you cry during sex, I cannot help but to feel the most bizarre combination of complete self-doubt and also the feeling that I might be committing some sort of sex crime. And I'm sick of my ego being bruised and having to wonder if the neighbors can hear you and if they are going to call the police.

Keep your chin up,

Your Husband