Are you sure you aren't adopted?

Dear Husband,

The good news is that you are, genetically speaking, really quite amazing. I know this not only because you are decent looking and intelligent, but because I know the gene pool from which you came. Your family, my in-laws, are miserable. To say that you got the best traits from each of your parents STILL doesn’t quite add up. I love you dearly, but if I have to clean up your father’s clipped toenails from the coffee table, or have to eat one more piece of your mother’s crusty-ass meatloaf, I will quite literally go insane.

Thoughts on not traveling to your folk’s house this Christmas?

Love,

Married the good one in the family, by far