It Ain't Our Wedding Night

Dear Wife,

I’m not a weightlifter. I haven’t stretched. And lets be honest, you aren’t as slim as you used to be. So on anniversaries, birthdays, and anytime we go out drinking, please don’t end the night asking me to carry you up the stairs. I feel inadequate, you feel fat, and it gives otherwise pleasant evenings most unpleasant endings.

Best,

Lets walk up those stairs holding hands